"There is nothing ugly; I never saw an ugly thing in my life: for let the form of an object be what it may, -- light, shade, and perspective will always make it beautiful."
- John Constable

So, it's been about 3 months since my last journal...and I was newly inspired at 1am to do something productive for a change. What sucks is I haven't the energy to do it...so as I sip on my Dos XX, trying to find a state of mind that is neither here nor there...I will attempt to write my thoughts down...

Here we go...

It's hard to push yourself in any one direction when there is a persistant current always trying to push you the opposite way. I feel like I'm at a standstill in my life. Or rather, I feel as though I'm standing in the middle of a busy street...watching all the cars swirve past me. As I turn my head to see one car, another honks at me from behind. I turn, of course...only to hear more distracting sounds. All the while, I haven't moved. I'm just there...stuck...in the middle of all the noise. I wave my hands to make it stop, and it does. But not for long. Sometimes silence can be deadly when it's not natural. So, I put my hands at my side and wait...

Again...I can't stand it. Gotta make it stop. So I do. But even I know that when you're at the height of your strength, you are at your weakest. And I am weak yet again. So I put my hands down, and let it pass. And so the cycle has continued...as it is this "cycle" that has compelled me to write this metaphor. Sometimes things make more sense from another perspective, rather than your own. That's understandable. No? Then what does it all mean? My metaphor means to ask the question, "Who am I?" Well, I'll tell you....

~I'm the one directing traffic...the one that never moves, but that moves the world.~

-evlrose